1、114 The One With the Candy HeartsScene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.Joey: Im tellin you Ross, she wants you.Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.Chandler:
2、Any contact?Ross: She lent me an egg once.Joey: Youre in!Ross: Aw, right.Woman: Hi, Ross.Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel things not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI dont think we need a third. Joey: Excuse me
3、, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.Ross: An egg?Joey: Yeah, youre gonna go up to her and say, Heres your egg back, Im returning your egg.Chandler: I think its winning.Ross: I think its insane.Chandler: Shell love it. Go with the egg, my friend.(Ross walks over to the woman,
4、egg in hand.)Joey: Think itll work?Chandler: No, its suicide. The mans got an egg.Opening CreditsScene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.Monica: You can not do this.Rachel: Do what, do what?Monica: Roger wants to take her ou
5、t tomorrow night.Rachel: No! Phoebes! Dont you remember why you dumped the guy?Phoebe: Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening. alright, still, its nice to have a date on Valentines Day!Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do. Rachel: W
6、ell, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight.Joey: No, no, no, dont you dare bail on me. The only reason shes goin out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.Chandler: Yes
7、, I know, but her friend sounds like such a.Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, shes needy, shes vulnerable. Im thinkin, cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. Youre doin this.Ross: Hi. She said
8、yes.Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?Chandler: Oh, uh, I.
9、dont. care. (Joeys date shows up) Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.Chandler: .And what did you bring?Lorraine: Shes checking the coats. Joey, Im gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get
10、 me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.Chandler: Janice?(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, It cant be the same Janice. Janice enters.)Janice: Oh. my. God.Chandler: (angrily) Hey, its Janice.Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.Chand
11、ler: Ok, Im makin a break for it, Im goin out the window. Joey: No, no, no, dont! Ive been waitin for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down. Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that Ive dumped twice in the last five months!Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop y
12、ellin? Youre makin me nervous, and I cant go when Im nervous.Chandler: Im sorry, Im sorry, youre right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!Scene: Monica and Rachels, the girls are all there, discussing their bad luck with men.Rachel: Ok, ok, Roger was
13、 creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.Monica: Which one was Pete Carney?Rachel: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. (imitating) Was it good for you?Monica: Yeah, well, Ill take a little crying any day over Howard-the-I-win-guy. (imitating) I win! I
14、 win! I went out with the guy for two monthsI didnt get to win once.Rachel: How did we end up with these jerks? Were good people!Monica: I dont know. Maybe were some kinda magnets.Phoebe: I know I am. Thats why I cant wear a digital watch.Monica: Theres more beer, right?Phoebe: Oh! You know my frien
15、d Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.Phoebe: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. Its Valentines Day. Its perfect.Monica: Ok, well, what kind of ritual?Ph
16、oebe: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.Rachel: Or?Phoebe: Or.or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.Monica: Burnings good.Rachel: Burnings good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn.Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and L
17、orraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, Ive been able to pick up quarters with my toes.Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you
18、 out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.Chandler: Thats OK.Janice: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.(Lorraine whispers into Joeys ear.)Joey: (to Lorraine) We can
19、t do that.Chandler: (disgusted) What? What cant you do?Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.Chandler: Tell me its you and me we.Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. Im not ev
20、en sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.Joey: Youre right, Im sorry. Youre right.Lorraine: (to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?Joey: Im outta here. Heres my credit card. Dinners on me. Im sorry, Chandle
21、r.Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)Chandler: So.Janice: Just us.Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!Janice: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirts been stickin outta your zipper ever since you came back from the bath
22、room. Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up. other patrons look at him) How ya doin?Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?Chandler: Joeys not a friend. Hes.a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?Janice:
23、I will go for that drink.Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, its a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?Janice: Each.Chandler: Thats right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) Ive always wanted to know.Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler wakes up, a
24、nd finds someone elses hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.Janice: Happy Valentines Day!Commercial BreakScene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.Janice: Oh, I miss you already. Can you believe this happened?Chandler: No. no! And yet it
25、 did. Good-bye, Janice.Janice: Kiss me!(Janice kisses him. Monica comes out for the newspaper.Monica: Oh, Chandler, sorry.(Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.)Monica: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.Janice: Hi, Monica.Chandler: Ok, well, this was very special.Monica: Rach, come see whos o
26、ut here!(Rachel comes out.)Rachel: Oh my god. Janice, hi!Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.Monica: Ill be right back.(Joey enters from the stairs.)Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.Joey: (in disbelief) Whoa.Chandler: Oh, good, Joeys home now.Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the h
27、all.(Monica comes out with her cordless phone.)Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. Theres someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, its me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously) Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.Ross: Im just s
28、ayin if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesnt just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like Why did I just say that?
29、 Ross ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)Kristin: Thats funny. Who are they?Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her. close, personal friend.Kristin: You mean theyre lovers.Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.Kristi
30、n: Wow, uh, anything else I should know?Ross: Nope, nope, thats it. (Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)Ross: Oh, and shes pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!Scene: Monica and Rachels, the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire.Ph
31、oebe: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine.Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.Phoebe: Um, thats ok! (throws it in fire) Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldnt be doing the ritual in th
32、e first place.Monica: Can we just start throwing things in?Phoebe: Ok, yeah, ok. (she throws the directions in) Oh, OK.Rachel: (tossing things in the fire) Ok, Barrys letters. Adam Ritters boxer shorts.Phoebe: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah.Monica: Look, heres a
33、 picture of Scotty Jared naked.Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey hes wearing a sweater.Monica: No.Rachel and Phoebe: Eww!Rachel: And here we have the last of Paulos grappa.Monica: Hey, Rachel, isnt that stuff almost pure.(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots up from it.)Sce
34、ne: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentines day?Joey: I dont know. You dumped her on New Years.Chandler: Oh, man. In my next life, Im coming back as a toilet brush.(Janice enters.)Janice: Hello, funny Val
35、entine.Chandler: Hi, Just Janice.Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and Im gonna!(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)Joey: (to Chandler) If you dont do it, I will.Scene: The Chinese Restaurant.Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?Kristin: Well
36、, um, for the past few years Ive been working.(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded).which is funny because, that wasnt even my major.Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you. Susan: I thought t
37、hey could.Ill try to get back as soon as I can. Im sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think.would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? Cause shes, shes alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad
38、. Kristin: (reluctantly) I guess.Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?Carol: Oh, no no no. Im fine. Im fine.Ross: Come on. These peoplell scooch down. You guysll scooch, wont you? Lets try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin.
39、 Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin.(struggling).does something that, funnily enough, wasnt even her major!Scene: Monica and Rachels, firemen are there to handle the bonfire that got out of control.Fireman No. 1: What do we got there?Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer short
40、s, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred pictureWow, that guys hairier than the Chief!Monica: You know, its a really funny story how this happened.Fireman No. 3: Its all right. Its all right. You dont have to explain. This isnt the first boyfriend bonfire that weve seen get out of contr
41、ol.Fireman No. 1: Youre our third call tonight.Rachel: Really?Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentines is our busiest night of the year.Scene: Central Perk.Janice: I brought you something.Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. (reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever.Janice: I had them made spe
42、cial.Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, theres no way for me to tell you this. At least theres no new way for me to tell you this. I just dont things are gonna work out.Janice: Thats fine.Chandler: (surprised) It is?Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isnt the end.Chandler: Oh no
43、, you see, actually it is.Janice: No, it isnt, because you wont let that happen. Dont you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.Chandler: Oh, no I dont.Janice: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Years? Who invited who? Valentines? Who asked who into whose
44、 bed? Chandler: I did, but.Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You cant live without me. And you know it. You just dont know you know it. See ya.(She kisses him passionately,then leaves.)Chandler: Call me!Scen
45、e: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.Carol: Its not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear(noticing Kristins absence) How long has she been in the bathroom?Carol: Uh, I dont think shes in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.R
46、oss: Well maybe its cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years. Carol: That could be it.Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)Carol: M
47、ushroom. Smile. They wont all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, thats not funnyRoss: No, its just.you know the whole getting on with your life thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, Im sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and shes perfectly nice, and, but that there
48、s, thats it. And um, and then Im here talkin to you, and, and its easy, and its fun, and, and I dont, I dont have to.You know, heres a wacky thought. Um, whats say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what youre gonna say, youre a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for n
49、ow you know? Lets just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, were great together, you know. You cant deny it. Besides, youre carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin that, but theres somethin right here. I love you.(They kiss.)Carol: Oh, I love you too. But.Ross: No
50、 but, no but.Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? Its time to take the pin out. Youll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.Ross: Thats easy for you to say, you found one already.Carol: All you need is a woman who likes men and youll be se
51、t.(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)Carol: Not her.Closing CreditsScene: Monica and Rachels, The girls are talking with the firemen.Fireman No. 3: We get off around midnight, why dont we pick you up then?Rachel: So, um, will you bring the truck?Fireman No. 3: Ill even let you ring
52、the bell.Rachel: Oh, my god.Phoebe: See, there you go, the cleansing works!Monica: Theyre nice guys.Rachel: Oh, theyre firemen guys.Scene: Out in the hall, the firemen are talking.Fireman No. 1: You guys tell them you were married?Fireman No. 2: No way!Fireman No. 3: Are you kidding? My girlfriend d
53、oesnt know, Im not gonna tell them!End114 情人节糖果 告诉你吧，罗斯，她要你她跟我不熟我们只是住在同一栋公寓有过任何接触?她借过我一颗蛋有机会了罗斯嗨快，你得再接再厉你和瑞秋的事没指望你前妻是个女同志我们不想有第三回抱歉，能给我们一颗蛋吗？整颗蛋，谢谢蛋？对，你拿这颗蛋去还她，说还给你鸡蛋我们赢定了拜托，这太离谱了她会喜欢的朋友，带着蛋去你想会成功吗？才怪，这简直是自杀你不能这样做做什么？罗杰明天要带她出去不，菲比难道你忘了为何抛弃他？因为他惹人厌又可怖但情人节有人共度也不差菲比，其他任何一夜跟他约会都无所谓我知道我会这么做你们明晚有何节目？明天有何节
54、目全看今天的表现关于今晚不,你不能背叛我我答应为她朋友带一位男伴她才答应与我约会我知道，但她朋友好像是个.可怜虫，我知道但她是如此渴望如此脆弱我想.谢谢你和Janice之后就没约过会你一定要去她答应了干得好蛋还在？对我的样子如何？不关我的事切记，不准交换你有美女相伴，我有贱货作陪乔依瞧你带什么人来，真帅你带谁来？她在放外套乔伊，我去洗掉手上的猫味你帮我和Janice点萄葡酒和红酒JaniceJanice天啊是Janice我得逃了，我要从窗子爬出去拜托，别这样我一直梦想与萝拉妮约会冷静点.冷静？你竟凑合我与在五个月内被我甩掉两次的女人别这么大声行吗？你让我紧张得我一紧张就尿不出来抱歉，你说得对快
55、尿！快点，尿啊！.罗杰虽讨人厌，但与彼德卡尼相较还差得远呢谁是彼德卡尼？爱哭鬼彼德我们每次做爱他就哭“你满足吗？”我每天都想为霍尔那个家伙哭我赢了我和他约会两个月一次都没赢过我们怎会和这些浑蛋在一起？我们可是良家妇女不知道或许我们有某种吸引力吧我知道我有所以我不能戴电子表还有啤酒？记得我那剃光头的朋友艾比？她说想要停止与恶男交往的恶性循环可以举行一个清理仪式菲比，她是个大秃头。对我们明晚可以试试看明天情人节是绝佳的时刻什么仪式？我们可以烧掉他们送的东西或者是？或是念经，拿着权杖裸体跳舞还是烧东西好烧东西好我有东西可以烧我从儿时就能用脚趾夹起两毛五是吗？真厉害哪一种两毛五？对了，钱德我把照片上的
56、你都剪掉了如果需要我有一袋你的头不用了确定？真的？你可以在你的“残酷戏院”中用它们玩傀儡游戏你不能这么做什么？不能做什么？能过去和你谈谈吗？我们得先离开告诉我这是你和我，我们她说她要在我身上涂满东西然后舔干净我不知道涂是什么意思，但我不想错过你不能这样待我你说得对，抱歉三份巧克力慕斯外带我走了这是我的信用卡这一顿算我的。对不起，钱德我希望她吐在你身上只剩下我们真是糟糕的一夜但我还是一直欣赏你拉链里的衣服自你从洗手间回来后抱歉近来可好？他们是我们最要好的朋友？乔伊哪儿称得上是朋友他这笨蛋留下信用卡想再来一杯？甜点？大银幕电视？我想再来一杯没问题，好女人拿瓶最贵的香槟来每人各一瓶对，每人各一瓶罗伯
57、罗伊.我老早就想品尝了情人节快乐我现在就开始想念你了你能相信会发生这种事吗？不能但还是发生了再见，Janice吻我钱德，抱歉钱德，抱歉。Janice摩尼卡真是太特别了瑞秋，看谁来了天啊，Janice她就要走了我马上回来乔伊，看谁来了很好，乔伊回来了这真是太好玩了好像是大团圆一样罗斯，对，跟某人打个招呼吧他恰好打电话来罗斯对，是我你怎么会知道？我是说会如果狗有时差问题因此狗的七年等于人的一年那么狗从纽约飞到洛杉矶损失的不是三小时，而是十天真好笑她们是谁？金发的是我前妻碰她的是她的密友你是指她们是情人？如果你硬要这么说的话我需要知道什么？不，就这些了对了，她怀了我的孩子我总是忘了这件事我们需要鼠尾
58、草和沙加缅度酒我只有牛至叶和佛瑞斯加那样也行现在我们需要正义男子的精液菲比，如果我们有现在就无需进行仪式了可以丢东西了吗？可以了巴瑞的信亚当瑞塔的四角裤我和纳可路路晚餐的收据这是史考帝的裸体照片他穿着毛衣没有这是保罗的萄葡酒等等，这不是几乎纯我怎能在情人节甩掉她天晓得，但你在新年甩掉她下辈子我要当马桶刷有趣的情人Janice乔伊，我们的小媒婆我忍不住想吻你如果你不敢，就让我来开口你从事什么职业？这几年都在.不，我以为你说他们可以自己做我以为他们会试试看我会尽量赶回来，抱歉真好笑，我又不是主修那个真好笑我邀Carol过来会很奇怪吗？因为她现在落单，怀孕，心情又不好大概吧你确定？谢谢Carol愿意
59、过来坐吗？不，我没事过来吧这些人会挪过去的各位挪过去好吗动起来克莉丝汀，这位是CarolCarol，这位是克莉丝汀Carol教六年级克莉丝汀她的工作.很好笑，因为那不是她的主修里面有什么东西？肥皂，四角裤，问候卡烧得半焦的照片这家伙的体毛比队长的还浓密这件事说来好笑没关系的，你无须解释烧毁男友物品失控的事件我们见多了这已是今晚的第三件真的？当然，情人节之夜是我们最忙的时刻我带了东西给你装上子弹了没？心型糖果钱与珍，永远我订做的Okay, JaniceJanice我不知怎么跟你说至少我不知道怎么用别的办法跟你说我觉得我们不会结果无所谓是吗？嗯因为我知道我们还没结束事实上已经结束了不，还没因为你不
60、会让它发生的难道你还不懂？你爱我，钱德不，我不爱那么就扪心自问我们为何总是会复合？新年是谁邀谁？情人节是谁邀谁上床？是我，可是我是你寻找的对象你的内心深处不断呼喊着我Janice你要我，你需要我你不能没有我你知道你只是不知道你知道罢了再见打电话给我没有，我没说你妈是狼人你有，我发誓她上洗手间多久了？我想她不是去上洗手间她的外套不见了或许是太冷吧或许我搞砸了九年来的第一次约会有可能这里还是很热磨菇笑一下，不会每回都这样的有些女人会把晚餐吃完的抱歉，不好笑人们老说要继续你的人生我必须吗？我和这位美女坐在这儿她是那么好，但就这么吹了我现在又和你聊天轻松又自在，我何必我懂我有个疯狂的念头我们再试一次好吗？我知道你要说你是个女同志但何不暂时将它摆在一旁完全不去想它因为我们在一起很开心这不容你否认而且你又怀了我的孩子这样不是很完美吗？虽然你一直回绝但我仍然想对你说我爱你我也爱你但是.不要但是暂时放到一旁的事迟早会出现的你会找到对象的，我知道你会的合适的女人正在等着你你说得倒是轻松你已找到合适的女人你只需找到爱男人的女人即可不是她我们午夜下班之后来找你们可以吗？你们会开消防车过来吗？还会让你们拉警铃天啊清理仪式奏效没错，他们是好男人他们是消防队员你们有告诉她们你们已婚吗？当然没有别逗了连我女友都不知道我才不会告诉她们呢